Girls Gone Wild - funny story nation exposed to wild boobs

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The 1960's and the 1970's were definitely wild and unique times. The Black Pathers, the Women's Liberation Movement and the Civil Rights Movement.


The women's movement wasn't unique in itself, for centuries women had been calling for equality. It was unique because it worked, the system gave way and things changed. There should have been a national seance. Gloria Steinem, Joan Baez and all the other women at the forefront of the movement should have had a seance to contact Mary Wollstonecraft. Mary started up the Suffragette Movement in the 1700's.

"Mary, Mary. Are you there?"

"This is Mary."

"Mary, we did it. We realized your dream!"

Mary was a plucky women living in the 1700's. She convinced a whole bunch of other women to march in the streets with her. They were all wearing whalebone corsets and ankle length skirts. There was Mary at the front of the demonstration holding a parasol in one hand and a protest sign in the other.

The sign read, "We are half the population, so we want half the power, but for now we will take 5 percent or even 2 percent of the power. You bastards!" That the was the level of negotiations going on.

The men weren't budging. They were resistant to the idea of sharing power. One guy jumped out in front of the protesters, right in front of Mary and shouted, "You weigh more than a duck!" POW! He smacked Mary right in the nose. Remember, Mary was wearing a whalebone corset, she was unable to absorb the impact of the punch so she fell back like a bowling pin and knocked out the women behind her. In fact, the whole Suffragette Movement fell over like bowling pins. The protesters got up, dusted off their skirts and went home.

Sometimes, the revolution is not just about ideology, it's about the clothes. You gotta have the right clothes. Perhaps, this is what the chicks in the 70's realized? We shouldn't under estimate their impact, these girls changed the course of history. A generation of women gone wild took of their bras and exposed their boobs. A short time later the rest of the women in the nation got the right to gainful employment, that's legalese for Cash Flow. Women didn't have to be perpetually sixteen anymore, that's truly wild.

So you can well imagine my excitement when I heard about the video release of Girls Gone Wild. I thought to myself, the last time the nation was exposed to wild boobs, the television news only covered bits and pieces of the wildness. Little snippets of women on street corners gathered round bonfires of their bras. Even though it was minimal exposure western civilization was shaken to its core.

This time, the boob-o-rama is going to be professionally produced and distributed all over America. Just you wait, right after the show the people will elect a female president. They're not going to wait for the credits to role. In a spontaneous collective gesture, the masses will take to the streets and demand women be put in charge.

It didn't happen. I thought maybe things would turn around with the release of Girls Gone Wild 2. I don't know why, it didn't happen. Certainly the video was a commercial success but in the process the producers may have exposed far more than perky boobs. After the show, I realized, in this world there are titties and then there are titties. The difference being something like this.

To the girl in Girls Gone Wild, no doubt, you have a great set of jugs. When you exposed your titties half the audience got an erection for at least 25 minutes. We're going to arrange for a yearly award show called the Golden Melons. As the winner you will get an ornate gold plated frame in tribute to your picture perfect jugs, your Picasso jugs, your Sistine Chapel jugs.

To the woman in the Women's Lib movement you have power titties. When you exposed your titties, my mother's generation got the right to have banks accounts, they could pursue careers and vote in local and national elections. Your boobs changed the world. You too will get an award, a cape to signify your stack has pull.

How do we define power? "God said, let there be light and then there was light." It would be a different story if we were to open up the book of Genesis and read, "God said, let there be light and then nothing happened. It was still dark." I'm sure somebody would cross out the word God and write the word Shmoo. "A Shmoo said let there be light and nothing happened, it was still dark."

If it came down to a choice between Eye-catching Jugs or Power Titties, which boobs would I want working for me? It's as if, I'm Wonder Women but before the Wonder, I'm just the woman. I'm about to get my powers, the things that will be wonderful. I've got a choice, either, I wear a gaudy bracelet and whenever I turn around three times really fast, I will end up dressed in a ridiculous outfit complete with a tiara. However, I will then have access to an invisible plane and a magical lasso. Or I can have a nice set of boobs.

By Afsaneh on May 11, 2009